Forgiveness and Letting Go

Why is forgiveness and letting go so difficult? Almost everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of other people; we”ve been treated badly, our trust was broken and we felt heartbreak. Some examples are: a mate that cheats, a parent that criticizes the way we are raising our children or a friend that tells your secrets behind your back to someone else. These wounds will often leave you feeling angry, bitter or probably even vengeful. Even wanting to forgive the other person is not always easy. Sometimes we are so caught up in pain or humiliation we cannot move beyond those feeling for a period of time, as we just don”t know how to let go.
Certainly forgetting and forgiving are two different things. If we are really hurt we will probably never completely forget, although with time we may be able to look back at the situation without as much pain. Forgiveness is a choice and the best reason to make that choice is to help you, not for the other person necessarily. The decision to forgive is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. When you do make a decision to forgive you may have more understanding, empathy or compassion for the one who hurt you. Most importantly you will be at peace and much less stressed.

The question is how to forgive?

First, you have to commit to letting go. This step may take time but when you commit to change is because you recognize the pain is hurting you. Evaluate the pros and cons of the situation. Is the pain hurting your relationships with the other person? Does it affect you at work or with your family? Does it make you unhappy? Think of the benefits of forgiveness, which occur when you”re no longer in pain, including more happiness, and your relationships in general will improve.

Know this is your choice, and that you can”t control the actions of anybody else. You can choose to stop reliving the hurt. The powers is yours, you just need to learn how to use it.

Try to empathize and put yourself in the other person”s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what they did, making the assumption they are not a bad person but they just made a mistake or used poor judgment. You can ask yourself what could have happened to this person in the past to make them act that way. You are not saying what they did is right, but you are trying to understand.

Be sure to take a look at yourself to see if you had any responsibility for the event. Was there something you could’ve done to prevent it? Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive yourself.

Move your thoughts into the present and understand that the past can’t be changed but your attitude can. Look at what brings you joy right now and when your mind takes you back to that event you should gently bring yourself back to your present circumstances.